Related. This is a severe warning to those who cheat (by giving less) in weights and measures, so how about those who steal, embezzle and withhold from the people the things that are their due? Dont tell secrets to anybody who is already married. IslamicAnswers.com Staff Photo Gallery. I have learned to pray, taught my daughters how to read the English translation of the Quran all the way, attend the Masjid every Friday and even went daily to Masjid (missing 1 day) during Ramadan. If he and you want to marry each other then you should go the halal way rather than do things the haram way. Do not forget to establish a support system for you and your child, including family therapy and, finally, I highly recommend reading the book After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner has been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD. Currently, she lives in the UK with her husband and two children. I feel so betrayed and heartbroken. 5-Some guardians marry off the female under their care without making the effort to find out about the suitor and how religiously committed he is or what his attitude is like. I am currently seeking therapy and counsel with my local Imam for some current and past issues beyond this. It was a complete moment of weakness with a boy who I liked a long time ago. I did not get to know him very well before marriage because I chose to follow the rules of Islam and not get to know my partner. It does not store any personal data. If a person regrets a bad dua they made for someone, is the dua still valid? 3- Dont let many people know about what your husband is doing. I simply gave you some food for thought. Do you really? It does not store any personal data. I have been hurt very badly; I have not been married for long but my husband started speaking to a woman from the past a few months after our marriage. So I was just your average woman who acknowledged Allah and was thankful, and participated in Ramadan for the past 14 years etc. Make touch a more natural part of your life; take his hand, touch his leg, stroke his hair. You can either speak with a trusted friend or colleague, journal about your emotions, or converse with the One who is The Hearer of All. Now its even easier to cheat due to the free access of internet and technology. 2. Or do you wish to stay in the marriage and try to work it out? Even though you made the decision to crawl into another man's bed. I didn't get any satisfaction out of it, it was purely for the other person. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. I recently cheated on my husband with another man, for 4 months. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Copyright 2022 MuslimMatters: Because Muslims Matter. That's thelaws of cheating in Islamic marriage. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? 16-Another kind of cheating in selling is when butchers inflate the animal carcass that they want to sell so that the purchaser will think that it is all meat. And yes, they do change. If both of you decide to work through this, in time, you might view this traumatic even as a wake-up call. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. How do you go from this: EXTREMELY happily married for 14 years, and have 2 children. 5 Hurts! I hope you have been tested for STDs, too. Find one time in your week that you can definitely do the deedWednesday at 10 p.m., 30 minutes after the kids get to bedand make sure it's a regular date. It's not only Women like this sister.. 10-Some vendors at car auctions put thick oil in the car engine so that the purchaser will think that it is in good condition. My husband started his job in the new country and I stayed back for aprox 4 months after he left to start his new job, finishing my job, closing accounts, and ending off the lease at our flat. if your repentance is sincere and there's no need to tell your husband, you'll make things worse. So, a good Muslim should understand that they must avoid any acts of zina. This may be understood from the words (interpretation of the meaning): Woe to AlMutaffifoon (those who give less in measure and weight). There is no right or wrong way to do this, or any written rules, but I found these recommendations to be helpful: 1. 4. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. Does it feel like pulling teeth getting him to say how he feels about you? She asked me to divorce her but I did not accede to her at that time, thinking about the impact on my kids. Used, manipulated, gaslighted, and then left by a man, Im happily married but I keep checking out other women, I am certain I will commit zinaI have no faith in myself or Allah. I have repented HARD. What has happened cannot be undone, but you can repent and take steps to avoid it ever happening again. I shared my body measurements with a guy online. No women, either Muslim or non-Muslim, wishes to share her husband with anyone else. window.__mirage2 = {petok:"EnB9fkpw46nGdoEzY2ZrnUQUrD7cGieSNdGZsn2SLCs-1800-0"}; It's also men! Is your husband going for therapy with you. If you and your new partner try to make things right and fear Allah in your dealings, then it is possible to be successful and maybe it is what is best for you. If you disclose your cheating to him, not only may he leave you but it will also cause him much (emotional and physical) pain, shock, and trauma. The guilt is eating me alive and I love Him so much and every time he is nice to me I feel like a fraud. Make sure he is worth you leaving your husband. Sister, Id advise you to cut any contact with your ex and try sincerely to bond with your husband. Remember His punishment and torment: Verily, your Lord is Ever Watchful (over them). I have never told anyone not even my friend because Im scared. For that to happen, you must talk about the affair and how it has affected you on the most personal level 1. 1. What made you do it just for him? We advise you not to let many people know about what your husband is doing, because the basic principle is to conceal sins that are unknown. it was purely for the other person Then it is better to leave your husband than cheating on him and being unfaithful. Islam Q&A. Al-Haafiz Abul-Qaasim al-Tabaraani narrated with his isnaad that Jareer ibn Abd-Allaah al-Bajali (may Allaah be pleased with him) commanded his freed slave to buy a horse for him. The possibility of healing from infidelity rests on the willingness of both parties to rebuild trust and the relationship. Whether to disclose your cheating to him or not is your decision, and Im not encouraging you to take either option; its up to you to decide. No one does this except one who is ignoble and does not care about his soul, so he causes it to indulge in that which will cause its doom and destruction. The soul hopes and yearns for what the private parts will fulfill or deny. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim). A person gets caught in a slippery situation, is under the influence of drugs or alcohol and they do something they never thought they would do. Source: Make sure your partner is willing to talk, all phones are off, the children are taken care of and you are in a safe place. Yeah I'd say you're definitely not overreacting here and men like your husband infuriate me to no end. They have not benefited from having a child, and they have made the child lose his share in this world and in the Hereafter. The very same things he admired in me twisted to justify his actions. A person has a sex addiction. If you go back to your husband and try to work things out through counseling and using marital resources online to get yourneeds met, this can work, provided you both are willing to work on the marriage. Now I have phone sex most days with my secret 'lover' and can't wait to speak to him. Enough of this cheating and deception which destroys homes and breaks up families! Wasnt I enough for my husband. That level of trust and unconditional love belongs to your Creator. I just cheated on my husband for the first time this weekend. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". Cheating has bigger consequences when it happens between married couples. I mean, you are the one who's cheated, so a victim, you are definitely not. 1-Cheating is a way that leads to Hell. OP: I am currently seeking therapy and counsel with my local Imam for some current and past issues beyond this. It may take the form of concealing faults in goods or other ways such as deceiving people about the quality of a product, or its components, quantity, weight, essential features or source. Questions cannot be asked through this form, relationship with a woman who is not his mahram. The stern warnings of the Prophet of Mercy to those who cheat others. Please make sure it doesn't happen again! Everyone looks up to us. You have been unhappy for at least a year (I suspect for much longer). Wow. Realise that there is a severe punishment for people who commit zina. Similarly a father must be sincere towards his children and not neglect their upbringing, rather he must do all that he can to save himself and his children from a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are appointed angels stern and severe (cf. Unfortunately, many Asians/Arabic parents and families pressurize their children to marry someone they dont like. This program provided her with rigorous training in therapy and research with minority families. One of the mutual rights of brotherhood among the believers is to be sincere towards one another, and the hypocrites are cheats. lol. His wife is from the States and he married her hoping to leave his own country and also move to the States. One way of breaking the ice would be to post your worry on to a Forum ( without mentioning any names ) with All your Hurt and Dissapointment mentioned and the fact that you still Love him dearly and are willing to Forgive, Reconcile and move on with your life together. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. disbelievers), verily! What you are doing is called an exit affair. 4-It causes ones duaas not to be accepted. He should realize that he will stand before Allaah and that Allaah has only given him this job so that he can be sincere towards the Muslims. Everyone looks up to us. 3-It alienates one from Allaah and from other people. Can someone with religious knowledge please tell me what I should do? But not in a way that puts pressure on us. I would also advise you to go for a sexual health checkup to ensure you have not caught any infections, and do a pregnancy test to ensure you are not pregnant. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. But you share VERY few details about what lead you to cheat on your husband. The phenomenon of cheating is widespread in society. When the cheating does involve physical contact then its clear that its adultery. Will you sell it for four hundred dirhams? He said, Yes, O Abu Abd-Allaah., He said, Your horse is worth more than four hundred dirhams. I can't provide a solution, there is no solution, but i'm disgusted. This website is for people of various faiths who seek to understand Islam and Muslims. 8-A form of cheating done by some women especially those who are older is when they file their teeth to create nice-looking gaps between them, thus making an older woman look young, so that the suitor will think that she is young, then when he marries her he discovers that she is very old. Talk to your husband (not just your therapist) about your unmet needs that led you to find satisifaction elsewhere. 2- You should advise him and admonish him. In other words, cheating in Islam can mean betrayal. Some tips on effective communication may help the conversation be more productive. We flirted a lot and he started hitting . All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month. I dont know the extent of it but I found a trail of messages of other women and him flirting! I didn't get any satisfaction out of it, it was purely for the other person. Honestly, it's such a cop-out to put the blame on the other person for YOU and THEM cheating on YOUR husband: "I did it purely for them".